I thought it was time to update you on my college experience thus far–
It’s been far more than anything I expected. But in a good way!
I am happier than I have been in a long time.
I am nowhere near where I need to be, but THANK GOD I’m not where I used to be.
As I’m sure you all understand, some days are harder than others. Some days it’s hard just to get out of bed, but I’ve been going and pushing forward.
At first, it was hard to be away from home and it still is but it has got a lot better. I talk to my family every day which is so comforting, and I have been home a few times. I am so lucky to have the family that I do. I still miss home and eating dinner as a family, but I am doing okay up here! I really am. 🙂
As you know from my last post, there was a tragic event here that just hit too close to home. A young girl committed suicide in the building next to mine, and it was devastating to hear about. That was a hard week. It was hard knowing someone felt there was no way out and that was the only option. It was hard seeing everyone else upset. It was hard thinking about what he family was going through. It was hard. It still is hard.
Suicide is scary because there can be a chain effect– one person’s choices can trigger someone else that has been thinking about it. After the accident, I had 2 people reach out to me for help. One of the situations resulted in me calling my resident assistant at 12 am to check on someone in the dorms– everything turned out okay. I’m so glad I can be there for those people who need help.
One of the hardest things in college right now is coming to the realization that I am not as good at school as I was in high school. I can’t just go to class and take the tests– I have to put in the time and effort. You’re probably thinking, “Duh Alyssa, that’s how college works. You should have expected it.” Well, I did, but not to this extent.
My first test I failed. Miserably. Not just sort of failed it, but horrifically failed it. I felt defeated. I still do, but it’s better. But let me tell ya what, this was a wake-up call. Like, I have to DO this. I can’t just do this. The saying you have to put in 2 hours outside of class for every hour in class– is realistic.
I had a very serious meeting with my professor about what I should do. I contemplated hard if I should withdraw from the class– that’s how bad it is. After meeting with her, I think I will be able to pass the class. At this point, passing is all I really need to do at this point.
So, like I said, WAKE UP CALL TO THE MAX.
But I also nap nearly every day. I recommend making time in the schedule for “me” time, and my “me” time is napping. It’s great. A lot of people give me crap for sleeping all the time, but they don’t understand it helps keep me sane. I am not a happy camper when I am tired (don’t worry, I napped today;)
Another huge thing I am struggling with is money. I never understood “college kid poor” until I became a college kid. I am so poor! At one point, I had less than 2 dollars in my bank account. Yeah, WOW!
It was hard because I have always had money I could spend on whatever I want. I had a job all through high school so the money I made went to whatever I wanted! But here, it’s different. I spent a lot of money on things I needed and there was no money left to spend on whatever I wanted. My mom can tell you first hand, I had a MELTDOWN. I went home for the weekend and needed gas to be able to get back. Of course, my parents helped me out, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that I was so careless that I let that happen. I can tell you that right now it won’t happen again.
So now, I am much smarter with my money….. okay well maybe a little smarter!! 🙂 I’m still a teenage girl with an insane obsession with Amazon and shoes. 🙂
But honestly, I’m doing okay. I am not crying every night like I thought I would. I am making friends. I am doing so much better than I even imagined. I’m so lucky to be surrounded by the people I am.
I will try to keep my blog updated more often; before now I haven’t really had the words to say what has been going on. I can tell you now that it has been good.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read,
Until next time,